With all of the things going on, plenty with work and always seeming to lose my weekends. Plus with building a house , responsibilities with my sole-trading business, helping friends out and just other things in general. Stress has been pretty high of late. The house build still has a few unknowns but is mostly progressing autonomously, so it still requires attention. See the build progress over here on this website. I have been ensuring that I keep exercising regularly while also trying to make my eating cleaner and cheaper. To aid in the cause of reducing stress is giving myself a multitude of creative outlets. Which I just started doing one I haven’t touched in years. Buckle in, this is a long one.

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One Decade ago I had set up a trade account with the intention to buy stocks. That was the goal, nothing more, just to buy them. No research or knowledge on what it would cost or what it would require me to do. Just buy ‘it’ and then move on I guess. Since the 14th October 2010 the trade account sat untouched and in fact the password forgotten. Nothing purchased and nothing lost, an account was created on an impulse, just never to be touched again. But it never left my mind and my interest remained.

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This post was written on 22nd December 2019 and was not published. I have not edited it and left it in it’s non-context state. Also there was no title. I couldn’t even really tell you what it says.

I can completely sympathise. I would just watch YouTube all the time, so go to work and come home to watch YouTube until 1am or similar.

One thing I started was audiobooks and podcasts which are background noise or something I actually was interested in. During showers, making dinner, pretty much any time.

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This post was written on 12th January 2019 and was not published. I have not edited it and left it in it’s non-context state.

A new year a new you, well some of us try to achieve this. If not every year. However it, like everything else is not that easy.

Notes: Everyone has these moments, when you are feeling darkest you don’t have to feel alone even if you don’t speak to anyone else. The struggle for exercise and life.

We all need some form of release. Whether that be laughter, sharing stories and photos, sitting down at the beach by yourself or by being creative in one way or another. I personally prefer to share actual stories with people rather than through social media. It’s too impersonal and feels more of a competition. A form of positive feedback loop. But isn’t this what we all crave, to do, to think, to share. With the idea that another or many are meant to respond reinforcing your thoughts or to give praise. For typical social media I find this anyway. Either that or you only share to what your audience would receive. But that is a topic for another blog, twas a little side-tracked.

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So I am still coming to terms with what I have done today. Here I was discussing something funny. Then noticed something and became focussed only on that. So much so that I fell for multiple fallacies, and even convinced myself that one fallacy reinforced the others. A scam, yes, I fell for a scam. Designed to use multiple tricks on the mind, which all worked on me. And I fell, hard, I was only saved somewhat by a limitation of a third party vendor.

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As I sit sandwiched in like a sardine in a long tube, flying to Melbourne. It has given me time to relax and seek refuge from the world. A process I usually do daily or at least on most days. However lately I have been unable to. My world has not been perfect and routine is out of the window. But just like the window view of the world I have right now, high up above the clouds, all my problems seem distant. All the daily, monotonous task, all the challenges that life throws my way, all far below me. I was starting to get all reactive and defensive rather than taking things one step at a time. But right now I am on my way to see something new. To explore and be guided around. I know I am going to be in a safe place in safe hands but that doesn’t always prevent worries and stress from building. …

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For a number of years I kept throwing money away, spending on the credit card at will. At first it was occasional and then it was all the time until I lost all control and started myself on this path. Late 2016 around November I realised my situation when the credit limit was almost gone and an expensive holiday just around the corner. I started to figure out how I could remedy it, how I could solve it and all I could come up with was half arsed plans. Then one day, a concerned friend sat me down and said “You need to do a budget and stick to it, it’s kind of my thing and we are going to do it now.” Or something like that. At first I didn’t quite know what they meant and then I realised and didn’t really know how I felt about it all. But since March 2017 I have been on a reduced budget solely to pay of the long term interest free and a standard credit card. With the plan to pay off $10,000 of credit card debt in 15 months. Insurance changes, another credit card with said 15 months interest free, a goal and a spending limit on every single thing. I was set on this path, but here I am now, literally minutes after cancelling a credit card typing this out. And now I can say the words. …

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So I have been watching a lot of Mr Robot recently. If you haven’t seen it, it is definitely worth the watch (for being accurate with the Tech but also the story is really good). What I have been really enjoying other than the technology is the relatability I have with the main character. And I also really like the technical aspect of how they put the show together, the writing, the cinematography and the sound design. The really intense music on top of what has just been shown almost becomes sensory overload. And that is my segway into why I am writing this, it’s not actually about the show at all. Cue the dramatic music… …

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As now I can count the months down almost with the fingers on one hand it is time to reflect on what has past and look at what is in my future. With July approaching and a bottle of port waiting to celebrate sealed in it’s display box. It has been 10 full months since I had a good friend sit me down, be it with some resistance, and make me look seriously at my financial situation. Honestly I cannot thank them enough. Thinking back I remember how I had realised where I was leading myself and that I had to do something about it. But the plan I had was to stress out every pay, look at my bills expenses and set that aside. Pay bills and then whatever remained I split out a small amount for the fortnight and the rest went to the credit card. This has inherent problems and a trip I had planned to go to Tasmania which threw a massive spanner in the works. …

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